This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
