I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
