try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize