For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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