i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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