all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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