We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
