My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
