My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
