I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
