it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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