Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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