Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
