there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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