a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
