Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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