You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
