You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
