you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
