I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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