Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
