Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
