Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
