i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
