Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
