is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
should my penis look like a turkey
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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