Yo dont text me then not text me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
