I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
