They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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