She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
