I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
