Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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