There is no way he is gay with that hair.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize