He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
