Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
