The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
