On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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