guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize