Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
