I wish I could teleport
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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