At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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