I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
