you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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