OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
