Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
