All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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