i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
