I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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