Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
