I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
