Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
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Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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