she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize