dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
