And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
