remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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