eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We need to rekindle our bromance
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
