seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
