But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
