Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize