My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
