I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
