just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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