ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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