I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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