I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
