so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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