glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
