My nipple is on Facebook.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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