I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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