Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
