i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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