1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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