last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
