Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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