We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
