the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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