I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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