I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
