I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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