don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
