I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Still dying that you shit outside
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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