I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
