the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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