You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
