College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
