$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
