so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize