the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
