I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
