I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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