Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize