Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
