And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
