there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
