foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
