just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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