3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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