So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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